Don't Block Your Blessings

The world is hard enough as it is.

It’s always better to give than receive, as the old saying goes. It’s an old saying for a reason- it’s right. There is no better joy than to bless someone, to bestow something upon them that could, in some way, make their lives better. Creating a posture of giving in your life is one of the best things you can ever accomplish. It will make you a better man and a better person, through and through.

As another old saying goes, life is hard. It’s often cruel and unfair, particularly if you claim yourself as a person of integrity. Whenever you try to do something right, something goes wrong. Whenever you try to treat a person as you would like to be treated, they gut you. Whenever you attempt to create opportunity for someone else, someone takes an opportunity from you. Such is life. It’s not fair. But it’s all too real.

These two sayings combined produce an interesting conundrum. How can you trust the world if so much of it is out to get you? How can you find relationships with people in a fallen world? How can you believe anything that anyone is saying?

This is, I believe, one of the most consequential elements of life. The ability to trust, to allow yourself to interact with the world in a way that could potentially harm you, that could take advantage of your vulnerability, is incredibly hard to develop. This is the same in any sphere of life- money, relationships, work, etc. It’s gotten to the point for many people- myself included, if I’m honest- that no one seems to think the best of, or trust, anyone anymore.

There is a good reason for this, obviously. Big Tech is whacking people like crazy. Info product gurus are hawking coaching, courses, and programs that oversell and underdeliver. Photoshop lies to men about what women look like. Clout chasing and looksmaxxing lies to women about what men are truly about. Nearly everyone who should be looked to in society for guidance and leadership is rife with moral failure and scandal. The same phenomenon extends to our families, if they’re not totally destroyed already.

The default mode of Gen Z that has been adopted because of this trend, as put by our wisest sage, Tim Dillon, is “black-eyed nihilism”. Translation? No one expects anything good to happen to them anymore. Doomerism has descended upon an entire generation. If it takes hold even further than it does, no one will be incentivized to do anything anymore, to make any inroads with people who could potentially improve their lives.

Sadly, this black-eyed nihilism has affected some of our closest relationships. Our young people today expect so little that, even when something good does happen, they don’t want to expect it. They’re too afraid that the bottom is going to fall out, that the person behind the blessing is going to knife them, and that the blessing instead turns into a curse. In other words, we can’t let good things happen to us- ever.

This has been my personal Achilles Heel for my entire life. Even when I was a child, I could never let good things happen to me. Nothing was ever good enough. I deserved nothing. When I did get something good, I had to make sure I flogged myself enough beforehand so I could repent of my sins. God forbid I got “too much” of whatever good thing that is- there was always a self-destruction device near me. It didn’t matter what form it took- gluttony, lust, etc. It was always there. That was what mattered. That was what helped.

Nothing good has come from this, if you couldn’t already tell. It has led to me making my life far harder than it needs to be. I always have to struggle more, to beat myself down with more ferocity, to create something within myself that resembles a monster, a struggle that I have to pin down with my own determination, guts, and will for it to submit to my authority and words. Is any of this necessary? Absolutely not. Do I act like it is? Every single time.

I have a feeling many people feel this way. If they’re being honest, they have probably faced a very similar conundrum when it comes to allowing the goodness of life to find them. It’s something you have to work at. As Chris Williamson puts it, they are Type A people with a Type B problem. They get no sympathy. Their cries go largely unheard. This makes it evermore important for them to work on these issues, mostly so they don’t blow them up onto other people.

I took a big step towards this earlier this year. My parents, as I’ve hopefully mentioned enough, are wonderful people. I don’t get to see them in person that often, so I cherish whatever time we get to spend together. Thankfully, the two of them were able to fly down, along with my sister, earlier this year for four days. They did a lot of important things- met my girlfriend, went on a couple of dates, talked about family things. This is a custom for our family, and a welcome one.

But they also did something else. My mom and dad have done very well for themselves. They started out, largely, with nothing. They have built a remarkable life for themselves, their kids, and their ambitions for the future. They are now at the apex of that journey. Both are in their mid-50s. They are looking out at the back third of their life, unlike most people, with hope and optimism. They have run their race very well, and are on pace to finish even better. I’m very proud of them for it.

The biggest goal for my parents was to ensure that their children were able to launch successfully into the world, and support them in whatever way they can while there. They have done the first one very well. Both my siblings and I are launched. We are all out on our own, succeeding, doing whatever we need to do to get by and create the same thing for ourselves. That is a very good thing. My parents decided to get a head start on the second part of their plan with me earlier this year. The day before they left, they pulled me aside and did the unthinkable, the one thing that I could not allow them to get away with:

Help.

I didn’t “need” it. I was fine, and doing well with the company I was at at the time. But they didn’t care. They decided to take money they didn’t miss nor need and give it to me. And not a small amount, either. I was flabbergasted. Not with my parents, who have always been generous people. But with the gift in general. I had never been given anything outright before, with work not being needed in order to attain it. It felt like I was cheating, that I was unworthy, that I didn’t deserve it. I told them to take it back several times. They declined several times. “It’s our money, we will do with it what we want.”, was their retort. Oof. Can’t fight that one.

It wasn’t just this instance either. My parents have planned their estate and have disclosed that I’ll also be getting an inheritance when they pass on, hopefully a long time from now. Woof. I don’t like that either- at all. Random gifts? Nope. It is incredibly narcissistic and selfish of me to refuse these things. I get it. But some part of me just doesn’t feel comfortable, doesn’t want to give myself all of those things happen to me.

This is, as mentioned, a curse for all strivers. Particularly in relationships, both romantic and not, I have always struggled to have people be nice to me, good things happen to me, and blessings come down upon me. There always needs to be a catch, a caveat, a penance needing paid, before I get something at the end of it. It’s a massive problem, one that I couldn’t, for the life of me, find a way to tackle.

I am pleased to report, however, that I made a major breakthrough in this cause the other day. Last week, I finally read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Dr. Glover and I have been in proximity several times at the End of Year Conference hosted by my men’s group, the Affluent Standard. He actually signed the book that I read. He’s a good man, and someone who I had heard many of my friends talk about, but had never heard him myself. Dr. Glover’s two speeches at my prior two conferences have given me tremendous value. So much so that it’s an understatement to say that I “read” his book- I devoured his book.

A big reason for this was that Dr. Glover talked about the very thing I have mentioned having trouble with over the course of my life- my inability to let good things happen to me. It has affected every part of my life, from my faith, to my dating relationships, to my relationships with other people. What Dr. Glover had to proverbially grab me by my shoulders to tell me, however, woke me up to a greater reality:

If good things don’t happen to you, what’s the point of life?

If you cannot receive things, and/or let good things happen to you in your life, you will never get the joy out of it that we seek. Life is not meant to be suffering, as the Buddhists say. Your emotions do not have to be put into the back seat, as Stoicism says. Instead, it is meant to be lived, as John 10:10 says, to the full. You must experience all of it. There can be no hedging of bets. You must be all in, all of the time.

Everyone knows this deep down, including me. So, the question for all of us is- why do we want to stop people from being good to us? After a large amount of self-reflection over the past two years in particular, I have discovered the answer. It is a conclusion that I’ve drawn after hundreds of conversations, the hardest ones being with myself:

We feel as if we don’t deserve it.

As Dr. Glover points out in his book, and as everyone who experiences this issue deep down truly knows, it is a lack of self-value and worth that drives our inability to allow ourselves blessing. Much of our inability to receive generously from other people comes from a feeling that we are somehow unworthy. That we didn’t do enough. That we should be better, and further. That we should be, perhaps, something other than what we are, something more valuable in the world’s eyes. Spending the past two years in high-ticket sales (more on this in a future post), there is one question that I have asked hundreds of times that stands as the greatest question one can ever ask when it comes to a limiting belief:

What’s behind that?

Those three words are magical when you ask them with honesty and humility. Everything comes from somewhere. Everything bleeds. Nothing is an accident. There are no such things as coincidences. Nothing is ever a mistake. Purpose is the one thing that draws the universe in and unto itself. So, ask yourself- where does that feeling of undeservedness, of low self-belief, value, and worth, come from for you?

For me, it comes from a deep sense of personal inadequacy. I don’t feel like I deserve to have my needs met. The reason why I feel this way is because I don’t feel as if I deserve them is because, deep down, I don’t value myself nearly as much as I should. This comes from my childhood, where I mistakenly thought that my parents neglected me in favor of my siblings. It bred bitterness, envy, and resentment, which fueled a very angry rage that took me over the top in everything I pursued.

It worked for a while- until it didn’t. One thing the world never tells you is that achievement is a very poor antidote for contentment. There is always another thing, whatever that thing is. The goalpost never goes away- it only moves. Your lack of self-value never improves when you do more. In fact, the opposite is more than likely true- it degenerates.

The only antidote to the doomerism that defines our day is to find any and all ways to righteously and purposefully increase your self-value. When you start to value yourself more, you will start to respect yourself more. When you begin to respect yourself at adequate levels, you will understand that you DO need things in life to bless you. You DO need good things to happen to you in order to keep going, to sustain the momentum you want for your life.

Christianity, the religion I am horrible at practicing in this way, teaches this all the time. Salvation, the biggest blessing in the history of the world, cannot be earned. It can only be received. It is a free gift, bought with a price with the blood of Jesus Christ out of the greatest act of love ever recorded. You can try to earn it. You’ll fail. You can try to justify your receiving of it. It won’t fill you up. You must bake in it, marinate in it, sit in it. Only then will you truly begin to understand.

Put simply- don’t block your blessings. Instead- use them. Make the world better. Spread what you deem to be of value across the world. This extends far beyond money. This goes to your own gifts, your talents and your time, that can benefit other people tremendously. You are worth it.

And the world is too.

Own the Day,

Sam