Jamel Phonso Holmes: Content, Integrity, Islam, Relationships, and Survival

Jamel Phonso Holmes is content creator, life coach, relationship consultant, and YouTuber.

Jamel Phonso Holmes is on a crusade.

Holmes, a native New Yorker who is almost four months into a new residency in Dallas, is a man who knows what he wants. Having known Holmes for a good while now, he is a man of conviction, drive, and enthusiasm. However, when you dig beneath the surface, you begin to realize that Holmes is not much different from most passionate people- it all comes from somewhere, and usually somewhere where they would often like it to stay. 

“The reason why I do what I do is the product of a broken home. I try to help couples stay together. From what I’ve seen it do to both me and my peers around me, if I can help a kid in my situation not go through what I did, that’s what my plan is. That’s my purpose. Most people who are passionate about what they do all have it comes from somewhere, and oftentimes it is trauma. I didn’t even realize it until I was an adult. Some kids don’t realize it when they’re young, but it comes out later in life.”

Holmes’s purpose of alleviating the crisis of broken families is a noble one. It is not at all for the faint-hearted. It is also a path that is filled with brokenness, difficulty, and trauma. The people that step into the arena of broken families and shattered souls are very brave, indeed. Yet, Holmes believes that his upbringing in his Queens neighborhood has prepared him just as well as anything else in his life for the opportunity he has in front of him. 

“I’m from Queens, New York- I come from a city of survival. Everyone is about business and about the individual. Everyone is gonna have their different opinions. Especially where I”m from, you gotta figure out ways to survive. There’s a lot of good cultural things that come with things like tourism, the food, and business. But there’s bad things as well. But specifically where I’m from it’s just about surviving and making yourself out of life and not ending up like the people around you. If I could sum it up in one word, it would be survival.”

However, ever since his move to Dallas, Holmes has experienced a very welcome change- a community that is defined by uplifting one another, not necessarily tearing another down. Holmes, a man built for bringing people together, fits like a glove. No longer will he have to look over his shoulder. Now, he is focused on looking ahead, eye-to-eye, with all who want to do the same with him. 

“The scarcity mentality is real. No one wants to feel less than, even though if we can all eat together. It’s all about getting mine. In Dallas, it’s a lot different in terms of the communities and hospitalities. If you go to Walmart, Target, church, there’s families there- they protect their own. Texas is a community state. Everyone is more together instead of individualized. Even if people don’t like you, they respect you enough. ”

Holmes’s ambition is a curious thing to unpack. He has a lot of hats in a lot of different rings. He is a man who wants certain things out of life, and is going to do everything he can to makes sure that he gets them. Even though the arena around him was rough, Holmes credits his mother with balancing out the trademarked New York hustle with a loving environment. In balancing the lion and lamb within himself, Holmes has found a unique combination that he believes will serve him well in his pursuits. 

“I grew up in a very aggressive environment. If it wasn’t for my mother, I would have had a totally different personality. Even though I grew up in a rough neighborhood, I was loved. My mom loved me. My mom is the most feminine woman you’ll ever meet, she’s a sweetheart. It’s unfortunate that we grew up poor, but if she would have chosen a little better, we would have been in a better space financially and grew up who helped everyone. I’m willing to help anyone, and that all comes from my mother. My environment would have raised me totally if my mom didn’t intervene. A lot of the environmental things were good, such as my drive and assertiveness, but my mom ensured that I was right in the middle. A big reason why I do what I do is that some kids don’t have someone like my mom, which is why a lot of kids grow up hyper aggressive.”

When asked about role models outside of his mother, Holmes gives one of the most honest answers I’ve ever heard to this question. In a manner similar to Charles Barkley, Holmes warns that we should be very careful of the role models that we have. Instead of looking at what people do, he rightly claims, we should be looking at who they are. He eventually comes up with a great example of the latter, but only after the former is addressed very carefully and in full. 

“There are people you idolize, but then you realize some people aren’t as good of a person off-camera. If I don’t know you, I don’t want to look up to you. Chadwick Boseman was a great example of a rare person of that. He was overall a good dude. He had all the characteristics of a man who worked hard, was great at his craft, and was nice to people. He didn’t give up when he didn’t get something.”

As far as his faith in the existential, Holmes delves deep into his recent conversion to Islam. Like many who either believe in or respect the religion, some common reasons for his belief are cited- their overwhelming conviction in its values, the stability of their beliefs, and (a common theme for Holmes) a firm sense of community that seeks to overcome the radicalization of some wings of their religion, like all, by being inviting, open, and supportive of their members and people who bear interest. 

“I believe that I am a man of integrity and a man who stands on his boundaries. I’m a man who believes in community. I feel like Islam is the only religion that stands on and enforce their boundaries. I’m not an extremist at all, but I also stand firm in my convictions. I could have went the route of Christianity, but I feel that the structure in Islam is different. Nothing is going to change, and that’s what drew me to it. It’s not going to cater to me or to anyone else. For the community that I’m in in Dallas, there are men and women and families that are made in integrity. We don’t switch up our words and our integrity and our book for nothing.”

This is a very unique feature of Holmes’s personality, because most of his friends he has are very open Christians. But, Holmes also understands that, regardless of specific belief, a lot of what is emphasized and talked about in both faiths, while being very different, is also linked. He is not hear to judge, he admits. Rather, he is here to understand, dissect, and learn. 

“I became a Muslim last October. I’m receptive to all conversations. One thing that is cool about being Muslim is that they’re accepting of all people. Jesus is in the Quran. There are some customs that is different, but a lot of the stories are the same. When these conversations come about, I’m a part of them. Whether I believe in it or not, that’s not my say to judge. Just hearing it is different.”

One of the ways Holmes became skilled in the art of difficult conversations, like most, was through the internet. The internet, now home to a bevy of conversations from any and every angle and perspective you can ask for, provided Holmes an insight into the veneer of how other people perceived the topics he was most passionate about. It is here where our paths finally begin to intersect, citing some important mutual esteemed creators to do so.

“I watched The Roommates all the time. My top podcasts were The Roommates, Bigger Pockets, and Stephan Speaks. If I was on YouTube, I was always looking for the content. I didn’t know The Standard outside of the suits. I needed people around me who worked just as hard as me. I watched the episode where Hafeez and Joe talked about The Standard and i knew I needed to join now. Once I found out about the discord, I knew i needed to be a part of it.”

This led Holmes down the path of exploring this niche of the internet not only as a passion, but as something he could carve out space for himself to make a living. In ingesting the content that most affected him, he soon became aware of his ability to marry the strength of the resources around him with his own inner strengths.

“I think because of my upbringing and the way I grew up, I think I’m really knowledgeable. I’ve always been very good about giving advice to optimize whatever people’s goals are. What am I good at? What am I knowledgeable at? And the fact that it’s something I can monetize, that makes it even better. It’s a no-brainer for me. The passion I have for it is very real.”

It is here that Holmes makes a critical distinction between the work he plans to do and the work of the popularized version of the market. Holmes, as a relationship coach and strategist, is not a mental health professional or a therapist. Rather, he is a quarterback, a point guard, a CEO. His job is to chart the path for the team to effectively execute on, not necessarily doing the deep work of healing and trauma. 

“Coaching is more strategy and X’s and O’s, and therapy is more healing. If they want coaching and solutions, that’s where I come in. I can’t help everyone, so that real healing work comes in there. But if they want a strategy and need advice and inspiration, they come to me. I help them come up with solutions and a game plan, that’s where I come in.”

As far as his funnel for his blossoming practice, Holmes has leaned on something that has been the latest business buzzword to fuel it- content creation. Holmes, who has crafted an impressive early following from leveraging his clients, ideas, and philosophies, has a single goal that serves all content creators well- leave the audience better off because of you and what you have posted. In finding this niche, Holmes has seen his traction begin to dramatically build. 

“Every time you see me on a screen, you’re getting valuable information. I want to get my content a bit better, but I want value to be the base. It’s always about the information. I’m not entertaining people, I’m here to solve a problem. I just want people who watch it to leave feeling like they got something from that. There are people that can build a following on being a character, but that character isn’t really them. That does a disservice to them and their audience. Who believes in you and who believes in your audience?”

However, there is a careful line that Holmes must tow here. There is hardly a more toxic soup of content creators than those who populate the internet Manosphere and relationships space. Thankfully, Holmes both knows this and refuses to abide by their largely nonsensical and single-minded approach to a very nuanced and complicated topic. Additionally, he believes that his own authenticity, not a persona or con that he makes up, is what will resonate more (with the right people, his desired audience) in the end game.

“Sometimes I do question myself. Sometimes people think I’m pandering or whatever, but those people are small in numbers. On the other side, however, you have 100 people saying that you’re doing well. Drop the content for those people. I still love them regardless. I do want to start monetizing my content and making a profit, but I’m not trying to be a millionaire. I only want to get paid for my time. My videos, my book, etc will be free. When it comes to my time, my consultations- we don’t have all the time in the world.”

When asked about what he values the most, Holmes doesn’t flinch. It all comes back to his core values, his principles that have taken him from very dark places and have brought him to a place where he can most effectively flourish. All of these things revolve around one central theme- service, to both those who he can profit off of and those he cannot. To Holmes, those demographics, in the end, are all one and the same. 

“I value God, my family, and my community. Without them, I don’t know where I would be. God gave me a mission to serve- Him, my family, and my community. That’s also what fulfills me the most. My gift is to serve others. Whether it’s the homeless guy on the street or one of my clients, my main gift is to serve.”

For Jamel Phonso Holmes, his purpose, like an increasing number of people, is not to be about money and muscles. Rather, it is to be someone who can be proud of themselves in a constructive manner, which all stems from living in completely alignment with his purpose. He knows both sides of the equation. He knows where both sides lead to. Because of his perspective, he is determined to make sure that his side, the winning side, comes out on top. 

We should all be rooting for him to succeed.

Sam